Introspection

A few days ago I met with Barbara, the Peace Corps nurse, to talk about the stress of cultural adaption.  She was great – very supportive and super easy to talk to.  She explained why the 6-month mark is the low point for PCVs, and all of sudden my emotional rollercoaster made sense.

After six months of service, the ‘newness’ of the experience has worn off and I have to deal with unfamiliar problems every day.  The comforts I had in the US have been stripped away: family and friends are on the other side of the world; there is no 24-Hour Fitness Center, movie theater, Ben & Jerry’s, or Comedy Central here; even just leaving the house causes a good deal of stress, which gives me agoraphobic tendencies.  When I signed up for the Peace Corps (and even throughout training), I had an image of what I wanted to do in Uganda.  Now those projections are clashing with reality.  I realize that I do not enjoy teaching Social Psychology as much as I’d hoped.  And when I’m not teaching, I sit alone in a computer room working on databases – which adds to the isolation of being at site.  It is natural to feel some disappointment, and when that’s weighed against everything that I’m missing at home (Christmas, Ainsley’s soccer games, weddings & babies, etc.), sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.

In order to get past this point on the U-curve of emotions, I have to really consider what I want out this experience.  What am I learning here?  What do I want to leave behind?  How will this experience help me grow as a person?  Barbara was impressed that I’ve starting making goals for myself, that I got involved with the Gender and Development Committee, and that I’m aware of what’s bothering me and figuring out ways to move past it.

We also discussed the possibility of my malaria medication might be causing my mood swings.  I have been on Mefloquine (Lariam) since I arrived in country – it is the most effective malaria prevention medication, but it also has the most severe side effects.  While I only had one night terror (a hallucinogenic dream usually violent in nature), Barbara and I both suspect it contributed to the extreme emotions I’ve been experiencing – (it wasn’t just frustration at site, it was anger with a tinge of rage).  Mefloquine also causes insomnia - I have only had one or two nights of solid sleep per month.  (*And then this story was floating around the PCV's Facebook pages – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/25/robert-bales-malaria-drug_n_1378671.html

Mefloquine was linked to the soldier in Afghanistan who snapped and went on a rampage.)  So, now I will start taking Doxycycline as my malaria prophylaxis - it's an antibiotic with minor side effects.  *But just so you know – Mefloquine is the best anti-malaria drug for short-term use.  So if you visit or vacation somewhere for a couple of weeks, Mefloquine is ok.

I’ll write about my GAD Committee meeting in the next post – but while I was in Kampala, I went to the grocery store and found SOY MILK!!!  Ah-yeah.  :)